Needles and pins.

Ah Beng : I am a Proud dad, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

==========================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow? Tonight is final game.

===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing except
the
TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'

=========================================
Ah Beng comes back to his car and find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'

===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking, he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather
forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it
would be hot.

==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says
'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

===================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man : This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng : If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

===================================================
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'you will go to jail'
=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and
not in the morning.
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM


Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing"
Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour".
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date".

------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes and No".

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Husband: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears".
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Husband: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But Mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
A newly married man asked his wife," Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly,"I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."