Counter pick up line

Should it be called drop line?

HE: Can I buy you a drink?

SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. 

SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. 

HE: Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? 

SHE: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. 

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? 

SHE : I must've been given your share. 

HE: Will you go out with me this Saturday?

SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE: Your face must turn a few heads.

SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE: Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.

SHE: Okay, get out.

HE: I think I could make you very happy.

SHE : Why? Are you leaving? 

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me? 

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time. 

HE: Can I have your name? 

SHE : Why? Don't you already have one? 

HE: Shall we go see a movie?

SHE : I've already seen it. 

HE: Where have you been all my life?

SHE : Hiding from you.

HE: Haven't I seen you some place before?

SHE: Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore. 

HE: Is this seat empty?

SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living?

SHE : I'm a female impersonator. 

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign?

SHE : Do not enter. 

HE: Your body is like a temple. 

SHE: Sorry, there are no services today. 

HE: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.

SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Guess guessing.

1.Apa fungsi ekor monyet?

Untuk menghitung monyet, 1 ekor, 2ekor, 3 ekor, 4 ekor?

2.Tahu apa yang paling besar?

Tahu isi Sumedang

3.Siapa yg lebih pinter dari Einstein?

Orang yang ngilangin bom atom hingga Einstein-lah penemunya

4.Pekerjaan apa yang biasa nyari posisi tempat kering,dan selalu mundur?

Tukang ngepel

5.Apa beda gadis baik-baik (GBB) dan gadis nakal (GN)?

GB hanya punya SATU kartu kredit dan JARANG DIPAKAI,GN hanya punya SATU BH dan JARANG DIPAKAI

6.Dari depan yang keliatan cuma tangan kanan doang?

Petugas jalan tol

7.Binatang apa yg kakinya lima?

Anjing kencing ngobrol sama ayam

8.Mana yang lebih pandai, anjing atau monyet?

Emang elo pernah sekelas sama mereka?

9.Kalo seandainya semua orang yang kaya menjadi miskin, lalu orang miskin jadi apa?

Jadi heran

10.Enak mana beras import sama beras lokal?

Enak nasi. Elo doyan beras?

13.Mata, hidung, telinga, mulut, badan mirip kerbau,tapi bukan kerbau. Apaan tuh?

Gambar kerbau

16.Kenapa lambang apotik ular sama gelas?

Karena kalau gajah, gelasnya pecah

17.Kenapa kapal terbang nggak bisa mundur?

Karena kapal terbang nggak punya spion

18.Lahir di Arab, besar di Arab, tapi ngga bisa bahasa Arab?

Unta

19.Kenapa leher angsa panjang?

Karena kalau pendek namanya bebek

20.Buah apa yang tahu cuma monyet?

Mana gue tau, gue kan bukan monyet?elo kali yang tau jawabannya?

21.Binatang laut apa yang paling tua?

Udang, udah kecil, bongkok, pake?jenggot lagi.

22.Kenapa Air Hujan selalu turun dari atas?

Kalo dari bawah namanya Air Mancur

Love Letter

This is a love letter from a boy to a girl....

The girl's father does not like him and want them stop their relationship

and so.. the boy wrote this letter to the girl..

he knows that the girl's father will definitely read this letter.. 

"The great love that I have for you

is gone, and I find my dislike for you

grows every day. When I see you, 

I do not even like your face;

the one thing that I want to do is to

look at other girls. I never wanted to 

marry you. Our last conversation

was very boring and has not

made me look forward to seeing you again. 

You think only of yourself.

If we were married, I know that I would find

life very difficult, and I would have no 

pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

to give, but it is not something that

I want to give to you. No one is more 

foolish and selfish than you, and you are not

able to care for me and help me.

I sincerely want you to understand that 

I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

if you think this is the end. Do not try

to answer this. Your letters are full of 

things that do not interest me. You have no

true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

I do not care for you. Please do not think that 

I am still your boyfriend."

So bad!!

Think so? read odd-numbered lines only.

becomes:

"The great love that I have for you

grows every day. When I see you, 

the one thing that I want to do is to

marry you. Our last conversation

made me look forward to seeing you again. 

If we were married, I know that I would find

pleasure in living with you. I have a heart

I want to give to you. No one is more 

able to care for me and help me.

I speak the truth. You will do me a favor

to answer this. Your letters are full of 

true love for me. Good-bye! Believe me,

I am still your boyfriend."

smart and sweet, huh?

Male Chauvinist Pig.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? 

Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? 

It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? 

When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."

How do you fix a woman's watch? 

You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women? 

Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? 

The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig? 

A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right. 

I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes 

a woman's sex drive by 90%. 

It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives? 

They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. 

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. 

Then God created Man and rested. 

Then God created Woman. 

Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Oxford-Singapore Dictionary

So you Angmohs will finally understand Singaporeans.

1) LILY - adverb. extremely, really

"Wah, you lily can sing well ah!"

2) VALLEY - adverb. extremely (same with lily)

"Look! My Versachee belt, valley nice hor?"

3) GORGES - adj. stunningly beautiful, normally found with valley 

"Wah! Ah Beng's girlflan is valley gorges leh!"

4) CORAL - verb. to bicker

"Why, you not happy, ah? Want to coral, is it?"

5) REEF - (normally followed with coral) to argue with "You lily want to coral reef me ah?"

6) ALTITUDE - adjective. a disagreeable demeanour

"Ah Lian Lily got a bad altitude ploblem".

7) CIRRUS - adjective. certain

"You cirrus or not? Dun bruff!"

8) CANOPY - phrase. impossible

"He bought new handphone? Canopy lah! Where got money?"

9) OLDLADY - adjective. completed

"Wah...you finish oldlady ah."

10) SUIT - verb. to project forward

"Suit! Suit! See goalkeeper come out oldlady."

11) SOW - verb. to reveal

"Sow me, sow me your new ting."

12) LOAD - noun. a path normally made up of gravel & tar "We go Orchard Load leh."

13) BLINK - verb. deliver, send

"What you blink for me? Sow me, sow me."

Punctuation

I have something interesting from my CS100 - Communication Studies lecture slides.

this is the use of Punctuation, same words:

use 1:

Dear John,

I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful. People who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings whatsoever when we're apart. I can be forever happy - will you let me be yours?

Gloria

use 2:

Dear John,

I want a man who knows what love is. All about you are generous, kind, thoughtful people, who are not like you. Admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me. For other men, I yearn. For you, I have no feelings whatsoever. When we're apart, I can be forever happy. Will you let me be?

Yours,

Gloria

this is my idea of entertaining lecture.
though I have a feeling final exam will be hard.

Lightbulb.

I shall update with this rather famous JC lightbulb jokes.

Q: How many RJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 4 whole faculties. One to design the new bulb, one to
manufacture and test it out, one to write a proposal on it and one to market it.

Q: How many HCJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. To compete with RJC.

Q: How many VJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The whole school. One student to screw it in and the rest to cheer and wave flags and banners to give him/her support.

Q: How many NJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They can study without light.

Q: How many AJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They're too busy trying to be one of the top 5 JCs.

Q: How many ACJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They'll rather use all their money to employ YJC to do it for them.

Q: How many YJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They're too busy trying to fix ACJC's lightbulb.

Q: How many CJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: They'll prefer it to be darker. (Hmmmm?*raises eye-brows* )

Q: How many JJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Their physics is so bad that they made their macho male physics teacher cry.

Q: How many TPJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Would they even bother?

Q: How many SAJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They believe in praying for it.

Q: How many NYJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are still using oil lamps.

Q: How many SRJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Huh, what litebarb?

Q: How many PJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Heck the light bulb lah, the principal would do something about the rightbarbs. Let's do 300 jumping jacks for not wearing the proper school attire.

Q: How many MJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are too busy trying to get promoted.

Q: How many IJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They are Innovians. They'll find ways out of the dark.

Q: Who wrote all this?
A: A TJCian.

Q: How many TJC students does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. They think they are already very bright.

Off to mug, about 3-4kg of Calculus book in front of me. LOL.
anyone seen my lecture notes?

come stop you crying it will be alright.
just take my hand, hold it tight.

The Maid

The Maid

A guy dials his home phone from work. A strange woman answers.
The guy says, "Who is this?"
"This is the maid.", answered the woman.
"We don't have a maid!"
"I was just hired this morning by the lady of the house."
"Well, this is her husband. Is she there?"
"Ummm .... she's upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I just figured was her husband."
The guy is fuming. He says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?"
"What do I have to do?"
"I want you to get my gun from my desk in the den and shoot that witch and the jerk she is with."
The maid puts down the phone. The guy hears footsteps, followed by two gunshots.
The maid comes back to the phone. "What should I do with the bodies?"
"Throw them in the swimming pool!"

"What?! There's no pool here?"

Long pause... "Uh .... is this 832-4821?"

Long time no joke.

Tipe Orang Didalam Gym

Pada kesempatan kali ini, saya mengajak para pembaca untuk sedikit bersantai. Setelah sekian lama kita di paksa untuk berlatih keras di gym, mental anda butuh sedikit relaks. Topik yang saya pilih ini adalah salah satunya. Tak ada niat jelek sedikitpun saat menyusun tulisan ini. Suka atau tidak, mereka adalah teman-teman kita pula, dan dengan mengenal lebih jauh masing masing kepribadian mereka, maka kita bisa memakluminya lebih baik, dan membuat kita berdamai dengan diri kita sendiri, dan meneruskan latihan kita dengan tenang tanpa harus merasa terganggu dengan kehadiran mereka. Tipsnya adalah, berusahalah bersikap fleksibel diantara mereka. Nah, siapa saja mereka itu?


PICK-UP ARTIST

Tipe ini adalah mereka yang selalu merasa kesepian dan butuh teman. Tipe ini butuh teman sepanjang waktunya. Biasanya berdandan gondrong ala F-Tse (pria), mengenakan pakaian yang bagus, atau memakai parfum. Sangat mudah membantu yang lainnya jika di rasa mengalami kesulitan memakai peralatan gym tertentu. Apalagi jika yang di tolong itu ternyata ganteng/cantik, dan berpeluang besar menyentuh badannya dengan tangannya. Paling sering mangkal di peralatan cardio gym seperti treadmill atau sepeda elektrik. Ia dengan cepat akan menempatkan dirinya di samping anda dan mencoba memulai percakapan seakrab mungkin. Kalau jaman dulu mungkin topiknya berkisar soal zodiak bintang, namun jaman sekarang topiknya berkisar soal, “Mari saya bantu cara memakai treadmill ini?” Tipe ini paling mudah di kenali di gym. Jika kebetulan tipe ini adalah seorang pria, tunggu saja sampai ada seorang wanita cantik yang memasuki gym, maka pria tipe ini akan mengerumuninya bagai kecoa ketemu sirup. Jika wanita tipe ini melihat pria yang disukainya, biasanya akan menunggu beberapa hari/minggu sesi pertemuan sebelum mulai mendekatinya, jadi agak sulit mendeteksinya.


BIMBO

Pick-up artist tidak akan mampu menerapkan ilmunya tanpa kehadiran tipe Bimbo ini. Jika tipe ini kebetulan seorang wanita (mayoritas memang wanita), maka biasanya datang ke gym bukan untuk latihan beban, namun mencari orang yang bersedia mengajaknya keluar. Ia akan berdandan seperti penari striptease, dan untaian rambut dan makeup yang oke, dan berpakaian olahraga sedemikian rupa sehingga menonjolkan bagian dada, perut, paha, dan pantatnya, membuat para lelaki menjadi horny melihatnya. Ia tahu apa yang dilakukannya, jadi biasanya tidaklah sebodoh penampilannya. Paling sering mangkal di peralatan lat-pulldown machine, terkadang suka membanting beban yang terpasang, atau malahan, tidak memakai beban sama sekali. Atau di leg-curl machine, dimana ia bisa memamerkan pantat dan pahanya yang mulus. Jika ada pria yang mendekatinya, dengan cepat ia akan berlagak bodoh dan bertanya dengan nada imut, “Cara saya sudah benar belum?” Jika saat itu kebetulan ada kelas aerobik, biasanya ia akan ikut di barisan agak belakang, karena sadar level fitness nya tidak terlalu bagus. Dahulu saya pernah melihat pria tipe Bimbo, dan ternyata ia seorang gay, jadi tak banyak yang bisa saya ungkapkan, karena sejak itu saya tidak pernah bertemu dengan pria tipe Bimbo.


STEROID FREAK

Tipe ini tidak malu dengan pemakaian steroid nya, ia malah bangga! Biasanya tipe ini suka berkumpul dengan sesama pemakai, dan suka bercanda soal apa saja yang sudah di suntiknya, lengkap dengan side-effect nya. Biasanya mereka punya nama panggilan seperti deca, bloaty, atau sejenisnya. Mereka menganggap diri mereka merupakan bagian dari keluarga besar underground dan memiliki rasa solidaritas besar di antara mereka. Mereka suka dianggap berbeda dengan lainnya, karena pilihan gaya hidupnya yang ekstrim. Terkadang suka muncul di depan publik dan memberi kesan seolah-olah mereka adalah yang terkuat dibanding lainnya. Sulit bagi orang kebanyakan untuk memahami filsafat hidup mereka, “Menyuntik diri sendiri dan menelan berbagai pil hanya sekedar bisa mengangkat beban super berat dan menumbuhkan ototnya jauh melebih kemampuan alami seseorang, dan semuanya hanya untuk berpose nyaris bugil didepan publik saat kontes dengan badan berlumuran minyak."


PAHLAWAN NATURAL

Tipe ini adalah musuhnya tipe Steroid Freak. Biasanya tipe ini memakai baju atau asesoris lainnya yang bertuliskan status bebas drug-nya dan memperlakukannya sebagai medali kehormatannya. Tipe ini biasanya sangat munafik dan tidak sadar bahwa tidak ada orang didunia ini yang benar-benar bebas drug, kecuali Tarzan. Apakah anda benar benar bebas suntik polio, suntik imunisasi hepatitis, multivitamin mineral, dan banyak lagi lainnya? Katakan itu pada tipe Pahlawan Natural biar sadar. Tipe ini sangat cepat menuduh orang lain yang berbadan jauh lebih besar darinya didalam gym atau dimana saja, sebagai orang yang memakai drug. Atau, biasanya ia juga kerap berkeluh kesah mengenai kekalahannya dalam kontes binaraga natural, dikalahkan oleh orang yang ditudingnya memakai drug. Ia tidak sadar, jika ia punya bodypart yang kurang bagus, atau tidak terlalu kuat dalam latihannya, itu dikarenakan ia adalah natural. Rasa sinis dan celetuk negatifnya terkadang bisa membuat anda menjadi down. Sulit berteman dengan tipe seperti ini, kalau ujungnya hanya untuk di cela saja.


LEAN MAN

Terkadang tipe ini juga merangkap sebagai PickUp Artist. Tak ada hari tanpa posing baginya. Sebisa mungkin kalau berpergian, selalu pakai kaos ketat berlengan pendek, atau tank top, agar bisa menampilkan definisi ototnya dengan jelas, terutama bagian kaki, perut dan tangan. Tak ada cermin yang bisa lolos dari cengkeramannya, dimana ia dengan bebasnya berpose, atau minimal, tampil sekilas saja. Sesi latihan di gym benar benar di manfaatkannya untuk menampilkan sisi terbaik ototnya dihadapan member gym lainnya, baik itu di sengaja atau pura-pura tidak sengaja. Sisi positifnya, kita jadi termotivasi untuk selalu diet sepanjang waktu dan rajin cardio. Bedanya, tipe LeanMan paling suka menampilkan hasilnya didepan orang lain.


BULK BOY

Tipe ini adalah kebalikannya tipe Lean Man. Tipe ini selalu berusaha mendapatkan berat badan yang sangat berat, misalnya 300 pounds, atau berusaha menambah 1 atau 2 inch pada ukuran tangan atau kakinya. Biasanya ia memang berbadan besar. Kalau ditanya orang, “Kapan akan tampil di kontes binaraga lagi?”, maka biasanya ia akan menjawab, “Nanti saja deh, saya musti nambah berat badan lagi.” Mudah di temui di gym saat mengangkat beban yang sangat amat berat, dan menghindari latihan cardio bagaikan drakula ketemu matahari. Biasanya ia juga membawa bekal berupa supplement weight gainer dan/atau makanan diet nya dalam kontainer makanannya. Biasanya ia punya banyak lemak di sekujur tubuhnya, maka dengan kesadaran sendiri, biasanya ia memakai celana baggy kedodoran dan kaos yang kedodoran tak peduli seberapa panas cuaca kala itu. Tipe ini biasanya merasa bisa memenangkan kontes binaraga, tapi tidak pernah merasa cukup besar untuk mulai menjalani diet sesungguhnya.


DAREDEVIL

Bagian dari generasi X jaman sekarang. Gemar melakukan olahraga outdoor seperti panjat tebing, sepeda, roller-blade, dan ratusan jenis olahraga lainnya yang biasa anda lihat di MTV Sports. Biasanya memakai sepatu boot perang dan memakai earphone walkman di kupingnya. Lagu lagu pilihannya biasanya seperti Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Eminem, Limp Bizkit, Korn, Soundgarden dan aliran musik pemberontakan lainnya. Mereka menganggap fitness hanyalah bagian dari program atletik saja.


INSTRUKTUR GADUNGAN

Tipe ini memberi citra buruk pada instruktur resmi/betulan. Biasanya mereka suka merebut client orang lain dan berusaha menyakinkan mereka jika mereka butuh instruktur. Biasanya tipe ini juga merupakan binaragawan yang oke badannya dan sepintas cocok untuk pekerjaan itu. Namun biasanya mereka memberi terlalu banyak perhatian pada kelompok (apalagi jika isinya para wanita cantik), bukan secara perorangan. Siapapun yang menjadi client dari tipe ini, akan menjadi langsing (dompetnya). Tipe lainnya yang mirip-mirip adalah member gym biasa, namun suka sekali mengajari orang lain, padahal fisiknya sendiri biasa-biasa saja.


PEMULA ABIS

Tipe ini sangat mudah dikenali di gym. Suka mondar mandir kesana kemari didalam gym, tak tahu hendak latihan apa, dan kelihatan seperti orang tersesat. Mereka, para pribadi malang, bahkan belum sempat membuat teman baru di gym, karenanya tipe ini kerap datang bersama teman-temannya agar tak terlihat bodoh, tapi nyatanya, sama saja. Mereka memperlakukan informasi seputar latihan yang terpasang di papan informasi gym, bagaikan sang penyelamat. Jika tidak tahu cara pakai sebuah alat di gym,maka mereka akan menunggu seseorang memakainya (gengsi bertanya). Membanting saat beban diturunkan, adalah ritual yang paling sering mereka lakukan, entah mereka sadar atau tidak. Kadang, mereka juga mencoba membeli kaos gym setempat, hanya sekedar agar bisa di terima di gym tersebut (bicara soal krisis identitas). Seiring berjalannya waktu, mereka akan bermutasi menjadi salah satu dari tipe orang gym yang diulas di tulisan ini, atau yang lebih parah, tak pernah menampakkan diri lagi di gym karena malas.


REMAJA

Mereka benar-benar beruntung. Saya saat seumuran mereka, tidak punya akses ke gym dengan peralatan canggihnya. Mereka melompat kesana kemari didalam gym bagaikan kelinci, namun biasanya paling suka mangkal di bench press, mencoba mengalahkan temannya.


BIANGNYA AEROBIC

Kebanyakan tipe ini punya cita-cita suatu hari kelak punya klub kesehatan sendiri dengan massage dan lapangan tenisnya. Beberapa yang lebih realistis bercita-cita ingin menjadi instruktur senam. Kalaupun latihan beban, mereka memasang beban sangat ringan, dan terkadang memamerkan ototnya yang menggelikan itu. Paling suka mangkal di atas sepeda elektrik, treadmill, atau StairMaster, kadang memakai walkman atau membaca majalah kelas tinggi seperti Cosmopolitan misalnya. Paling suka ikut kelas aerobik dan memaksakan diri berada di barisan paling depan walau datang terlambat sekalipun, dan pura-pura tidak sadar jika sikapnya itu justru merusak barisan yang sudah ada sebelumnya. Walau begitu, kemampuannya biasa biasa saja, dan tentu saja, memiliki tubuh penuh lemak, dan terkadang juga merupakan campuran tipe Bimbo.


MALES ABIS

Tipe ini biasanya dibayari membership fee nya oleh kantornya. Intinya, tipe ini datang ke gym hanya untuk cari keringat saja, atau mencari suasana baru selepas kerja kantornya, atau kebanyakan uang sampai tidak sadar telah membelanjakannya untuk gym itu. Latihan yang dilakukan benar benar hanya memenuhi standar minimal saja. Tak ada perubahan fisik berarti padanya setelah ikut gym beberapa blulan lamanya. Kebanyakan dari mereka tak pernah menampakkan dirinya lagi di gym setelah masa berlaku membership nya habis. Terkadang, dalam sebulan ia hanya muncul sekali atau dua kali di gym.

gue yang mana yah? remaja aja deh...

Developing country : Indonesia

Anda tahu kenapa Indonesia tidak menjadi negara maju?

Karena rakyat Indonesia sejak dini sudah di doktrin dengan lagu2 yang tidak bermutu & mengandung banyak kesalahan, mengajarkan kerancuan, dan menurunkan motivasi.
mari kita buktikan :

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Balonku ada 5... rupa-rupa warnanya... merah, kuning, kelabu.. merah muda dan biru... meletus balon hijau, dorrrr!!!"

Perhatikan warna-warna kelima balon tsb, kenapa tiba2 muncul warna hijau?
Jadi jumlah balon sebenarnya ada 6, bukan 5 ! -

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Aku seorang kapiten... mempunyai pedang panjang...kalo berjalan prok..prok.. prok... aku seorang kapiten!"

Perhatikan di bait pertama dia cerita tentang pedangnya, tapi di bait kedua dia cerita tentang sepatunya (inkonsistensi)
Harusnya dia tetap konsisten, misal jika ingin cerita tentang sepatunya seharusnya dia bernyanyi :
"mempunyai sepatu baja (bukan pedang panjang)..kalo berjalan prok..prok.. prok..", nah, itu baru klop!
jika ingin cerita tentang pedangnya, harusnya dia bernyanyi :
"mempunyai pedang panjang... kalo berjalan ndul..gondal..gandul.. atau srek.. srek.. srek.." itu baru sesuai dgn kondisi pedang panjangnya!

~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
"Bangun tidur ku terus mandi.. tidak lupa menggosok gigi.. habis mandi ku tolong ibu.. membersihkan tempat tidurku.."
Perhatikan setelah habis mandi langsung membersihkan tempat tidur.

Lagu ini membuat anak-anak tidak bisa terprogram secara baik dalam menyelesaikan tugasnya dan selalu terburu-buru.
Sehabis mandi seharusnya si anak pakai baju dulu dan tidak langsung membersihkan tempat tidur dalam kondisi basah dan telanjang!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Naik-naik ke puncak gunung..tinggi.. tinggi sekali..kiri kanan kulihat saja.. banyak pohon cemara..2X"

Lagu ini dapat membuat anak kecil kehilangan konsentrasi, semangat dan motivasi!
Pada awal lagu terkesan semangat akan mendaki gunung yang tinggi tetapi kemudian ternyata setelah melihat jalanan yg tajam mendaki, lalu jadi bingung dan gak tau mau berbuat apa, bisanya cuma noleh ke kiri ke kanan aja, gak maju2!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Naik kereta api tut..tut..tut. . siapa hendak turut ke Bandung ..Sby..bolehlah naik dengan naik percuma..ayo kawanku lekas naik..keretaku tak berhenti lama"

Nah, yg begini ini yg parah! mengajarkan anak-anak kalo sudah dewasa maunya gratis melulu.
Pantesan PJKA rugi terus! terutama jalur Jakarta-Malang danJakarta-Surabaya !

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Di pucuk pohon cempaka.. burung kutilang berbunyi.. bersiul2 sepanjanghari dg tak jemu2..mengangguk2 sambil bernyanyi tri li li..li..li.. li..li.."

Ini juga menyesatkan dan tidak mengajarkan kepada anak2 akan realita yg sebenarnya. Burung kutilang itu kalo nyanyi bunyinya cuit..cuit.. cuit !
kalo tri li li li li itu bunyi kalo yang nyanyi orang (catatan: acara lagu anak2 dgn presenter agnes monica waktu dia masih kecil adalah Tra la la trili li!), bukan burung!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Pok ame ame.. belalang kupu2.. siang makan nasi, kalo malam minum susu.."

Ini jelas lagu dewasa dan tidak konsumsi anak2! karena yg disebutkan di atas itu adalah kegiatan orang dewasa, bukan anak kecil.
Kalo anak kecil, karena belom boleh maem nasi, jadi gak pagi gak malem ya minum susu!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Nina bobo nina bobo oh nina bobo... kalau tidak bobo digigit nyamuk"

menurut psikolog: jadi sekian tahun anak2 indonesia diajak tidur dgn lagu yg penuh nada mengancam

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Bintang kecil dilangit yg biru..."
(Bintang khan adanya malem, lah kalo malem emang warna langitnya biru?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ibu kita Kartini...harum namanya"
(Namanya Kartini atau Harum?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Pada hari minggu..naik delman istimewa ku duduk di muka"
(Nah, gak sopan khan..masa duduk di muka??)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Cangkul-cangkul, cangkul yang dalam, menanam jagung di kebun kita..."
(kalo mau nanam jagung, ngapain dalam-dalam emang mo bikin sumur?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Pelangi-pelangi alangkah indahmu,...pelukismu agung, siapa gerangan ?"
( kan udah tahu yang ngelukisnya si agung, masih nanya siapa gerangan ?"

gue ngakak waktu baca....

Sacred flowers of the sky.

okay, and so clock is ticking.
.
.
still have not made my uni decision.
oh well, I will get inspiration one way or another, hope it won't be too late

deadline : 2 June 2008. sigh.

nothing much to blog about,
father just recovered from dengue, dragged him back to gym yesterday
and strangely, he is more active than ever now.
and me, things are just normal, not working anymore, yay!

I read something interesting in the paper today :

stiudes hvae shwon taht we can sitll raed tehse stenence as lnog as the frsit and lsat wrod are uncghaned

can you? I find it very true.

oh, and btw, I got more of interesting signs, from Melody :

Dry cleaners in Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR BEST RESULTS.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER.

On the grounds of a private school:
NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION.

On an Arctic River highway:
TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.

On a poster at Fight Illiteracy:
ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.

In a City restaurant:
OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.

In a maternity ward:
NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.

In a cemetery:
PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.

Sign in Japanese public bath:
FOREIGN GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO PULL COCK IN TUB.

Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations:
GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.

Hotel room notice in Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel brochure in Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

P.S : wish I can do more than just words :)

But the phone don't ring cos my friend ain't home, I'm tired of being all alone
Got the TV on cos the radio's playing, songs that remind me of you

Things people actually said in court

Things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 18th
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when
he woke up that morning?
A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was
doing an autopsy.

credits to DaTaste.com

I just can't decide which is more "interesting" :)

Get the signs right

Interesting Signs:

1. In a restroom:

TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

2. In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

3. In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

4. In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

5. In another office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

6. Outside a second-hand shop:

WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

7. Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

8. Spotted in a safari park:
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

9. Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

10. Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

11. Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

12. On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING.

(PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR - THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

fantastic, these people.

Are you?

World's Easiest Quiz

(Passing requires 4 correct answers)

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get catgut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

All done? Check your answers below!

(credit to airhole)

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
*116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
*Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
*Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
*November

5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
*Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
*Dogs

7) What was King George VI's first name?
*Albert

8) What color is a purple finch?
*Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
*New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
*Orange, of course.

What do you mean you failed?!

yeah I am quite proud to say I failed too... :P

Needles and pins.

Ah Beng : I am a Proud dad, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
Ah Beng: No, he is not studying, they are studying him.

==========================================
Ah Beng : Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
Ah Beng : Can I take tomorrow? Tonight is final game.

===========================================
Ah Beng : If I die, will you remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will you remarry?
Ah Beng : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

===========================================
Ah Beng complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing except
the
TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
Ah Beng : 'I was watching TV news...'

=========================================
Ah Beng comes back to his car and find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'

===============================================
Once Ah Beng was walking, he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather
forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it
would be hot.

==================================================
Ah Beng in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and says
'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

===================================================
Ah Beng : Why are all these people running?
Man : This is a race, the winner will get the cup
Ah Beng : If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

===================================================
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
Ah Beng : The future tense is 'you will go to jail'
=====================================================
Ah Beng told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
Ah Beng : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'

=====================================================
A man asked Ah Beng why Ahmad Badawi goes walking in the Evening and
not in the morning.
Ah Beng replied Ahmad Badawi is PM not AM


Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband: "Nothing"
Wife: "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour".
Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date".

------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Wife: "Do you want dinner?"
Husband: "Sure! What are my choices?"
Wife: "Yes and No".

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Wife: "You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?"
Husband: "When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears".
Wife: "You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?"
Husband: "Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?"

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Son: "Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
Mom: "Well, you have done the right thing."
Son: "But Mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
A newly married man asked his wife," Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly,"I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
Girl to her boyfriend: "One kiss and I'll be yours forever."
The guy replies: "Thanks for the early warning."

------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humor."

Rejection lines and what the girl really means.

Found this list of rejection lines from Charlotte's web. The "brother" and the "friends" lines sure bring back many a bad memory from teenagehood. Excuse me while I go to one corner and weep...sob:

Not familiar with rejection lines? Here's what we really mean. So get a hint, ok, guys? Seesh.

10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that f**king pest. And I'm not into incest either.)

9. There's a slight difference in our ages.
(You are one jurassic geezer.)

8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You are the ugliest freak I've ever laid eyes upon.)

7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)

6. I've got a boyfriend
(He's my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's).

5. I don't date men where I work.
(Actually, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)

4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's not me, it's you.)

3. I'm concentrating on my career. 
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)

2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off only the men like you.)

1. Let's be friends. 
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have fun with. It's that male perspective thing)

really, girls?

P.S : my friend, if u need male perspective, I'm available :)

Pejantan tangguh

karena tiba2 rahardhi rasanya agak kurang waras,
fine, i'll humour you, buddy,
ini gue tambahin poster campaign satu lagi dah:

bagaimana?
bagian kiri atas rasanya agak kosong, oh well...

mau usulan UU?
nih: semua anggota kepemerintahan diharuskan mempunyai pasangan, jika tidak, akan dikenalkan sampai dapat.

itu udah cukup ngaco :)

Ini percakapan pasangan yang baru get together, bc dari atas ke bawah :

Cowok: "Akhirnya aku sudah menunggu saat ini tiba sejak lama."
Cewek: "Apakah kau rela kalau aku pergi?"
Cowok: "Tentu Tidak! Jangan pernah kau berpikiran seperti itu."
Cewek: "Apakah Kau mencintaiku?"
Cowok: "Tentu! Selamanya akan tetap begitu."
Cewek: "Apakah kau pernah selingkuh?"
Cowok: "Tidak! Aku tak akan pernah melakukan hal buruk itu."
Cewek: "Maukah kau menciumku?"
Cowok: "Ya..."
Cewek: "Sayangku..."

setelah lima tahun, baca dari bawah ke atas.

many nights we pray with no proof anyone could hear
in our heart a hopeful song we barely understood

Total eclipse of the heart

hmm...

barusan liat Titi Kamal di transTV, ko kliatannya beda yah.
hampir bingung itu siapa, ksannya jadi lebih kurus gt, dan baru putus lagi.
anw putus ama kurus itu rhmyes loh, ada linkny ga yah?

gue tau ini post geje, tapi bosen nunggu bola sia.
waktu mggu lalu mah rame2 di msn ngerjain PI, jadi ga bosen.
jam 3 begni mn ad yg ol? emank jrg ktmu org jg si akhir2 ini...
anw entah napa hape gue error sms baru ada tandanya stelah 2 jam lebih. sigh.

karena gue sedih sakit kyknya ga sembuh2:

Merah, kuning, hijau, coklat muda & coklat tua jadi satu, apaan tuh..??
Bob Marley masuk pramuka

Kuda apa yg paling capek..??
kuda..ki gunung sambil jongkok

hantu apa yang paling pinter ngitung2?
han, tu, three, four, five, dst...

Bebek yang terkenal...
Bebekstreet Boys

Apa itu cemilan?...
Cebelum cepuluh, cecudah celapan

Bagaimana suara kucing kalo jalannya mundur?
...gnooooem

Apakah itu limau?
duau ditambah tigau :)

every now and then I get a little bit tired listening to the sound of my tears
every now and then I get a little bit terrified then I see the look in ur eyes

More Jokes.

Oh ini lanjutan dari tebak2an post sebelomnya:

Olah raga apa yg paling berat?
Catur. Masa kuda ama benteng diangkat-angkat

Apakah perbedaan antara seorang pahlawan dan seorang perawan?
Pahlawan berjuang sampai titik darah penghabisan,
sedangkan perawan berjuang hingga titik darah yg pertama

Hewan apa yg paling aneh?
Belalang kupu-kupu. Soalnya kalo siang makan nasi
kalo malam minum susu

Siapa wanita Indonesia yg paling kuat?
Nyonya Meneer, berdiri sejak th.1918

Kenapa kijang tiada duanya?
Karena indosiar memang untuk anda (ultimate sia, favorit dah)

Bangsawan Inggris yg terkenal dgn acara lawak di TV?
Sir Mulat

Kenapa Superman nggak kawin ama Wonderwoman?
Ya ga jodoh aja gt.

Burung apa yang sayapnya satu?
Burung ngelamar kerjaan, sayap satunya biar gaya megang map

Orang apa kalau dipukul gak sakit-sakit?
Orang ga kena yeee....

Let it be.

Your gift, my curse.

chatting session slesai, g malah jadi sedih, cih..

2 hari ini nginep di rumah sodara, dan g baru sadar kalo kami ngumpul2 tu kedengran ama orang luar kayak orang sakit jiwa kali yah... ada cewe nangis di kasir dihibur ama temennya, bukan apa tapi bikin lama soalnya, tiba2 ada yang nyeletuk "dia emank gitu ko"..begitu pergi, baru sadar kalo cewe itu nangis gara2 keluarga bukan masalah pacar. hmph.

oh bagi yang suka martabak manis, ada yang ternyata terkenal seluruh Indonesia di Jakarta, pusatnya di Rawamangun, namanya martabak Favorit. ada nomer hape si, cm g lupa nyatet.

baru nonton film hantu Indo judulnya "Kesurupan" - planet hollywood cm 10rb, isenk. Kocak sia, ngikutin exorcist yang ptama gt ad sikap kangkang, leher muter, dan sebagainya. Untung endingny lumayan menarik, kalo ga parah deh tu film. Yang bisa didapet dari tu film : jangan suka bengong, dan jangan suka ambil apa2 dari kuburan orang.

Since mood gue ga gt bagus skrg rasanya,
daritadi nyari2 jokes supaya bisa tertawa kembali, helps a bit.

bagi yang suka tebak-tebakan pasti suka :

Hewan apa yg bersaudara?
Katak beradik

Apa yg dikatakan orang bisu pertama kali bisa ngomong?
Tes.. tes... 1 2 3 dicoba...

Binatang yg paling dibenci anjing laut?
Kucing laut

Kenapa ayam kalo berkokok matanya merem?
Karena udah hapal teksnya

Apa bedanya pemurung dg pemulung?
Pemurung tidak pernah merasa gembira,
sedangkan pemulung tidak pelnah melasa gembila

Kenapa Afrika negaranya miskin?
Karena terlalu sibuk ngeriting rambut

Apa bedanya sekretaris baik sama sekretaris seksi?
Sekretaris baik "selamat pagi pak"
Sekretaris seksi "sudah pagi pak"

Kenapa Bumi makin panas?
Karena Matahari buka cabang dimana-mana

Kenapa Sri Rama memilih Sinta?
Karena kulit Santi tak seputih kulit Sinta

Gimana cara terbang ke matahari tanpa kepanasan?
Perginya malam hari

Was I out of my head, was I out of my mind?
How could I ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication, it was hard to find